Beautiful Soul
by Parody Master
Summary: NEWSFLASH! Jesse McCartney's song has a double meaning! contains spoilers for books 10 and 12


**Author's Note**: Heehee. I love doing this. This is how Mr. Tiny could have possibly convinced Kurda to go along with his plan for him. Hasn't anyone ever noticed the resemblance to Mr. Tiny in Jesse McCartney's song, _Beautiful Soul_? I swear, that thing reeks of Mr. Tiny! It's almost scary! If anyone knows a way I can contact the one called McCartney so I can bring it up to him, I would be most grateful!

**Disclaimer**: I solemnly swear I do not own Darren Shan's characters or plot line, nor do I own Jesse McCartney's song _Beautiful Soul_. Happy now?

Inside the home of the great timekeeper Desmond Tiny, there was a mild argument being fought. But Desmond wasn't worried. He always had his way in the end.

"It's not like you have much of a choice, Kurda Smahlt," he reasoned to the blonde vampire, who was looking pretty good for someone who'd just spent a few years in the Lake of Souls. "You either abide by my wishes, or you go back to the lake."

Kurda glared back stubbornly, his rather iridescent blue eyes stubbornly fixed. "I'd rather suffer than become one of your servants," he growled. He was wearing a bigger version of the Little People's blue robes, temporarily supplied to him by Mr. Tiny. "If this is the reason why you fished me out of the lake, then send me back!"

"But, Kurda, you don't understand," Mr. Tiny said pleasantly. "I _need_ you. It's not a matter of_ if_ you'll do it – only when I can convince you to."

Kurda snorted. He fixed his gaze upon the eerie green pool that lay before him – filled to the brim with some sort of neon-green substance he definitely did_ not_ want to know about, let alone get into for a swim, as Mr. Tiny wanted him to.

"Fine," A look came across Des Tiny's face, an evil gleam in his eyes that was usually associated with burning villages. The heart-shaped watch he now held dangling from a chain in his right hand began to grow faintly red. Kurda was struck with fear when he saw it, and knew something dreadful must be coming. "You're always been a stubborn goat, my dear Kurda. I suppose I'll just have to improvise."

The watch glowed brighter still. Kurda backed away from the green pool, away from Des Tiny, up against a statue revering Paul Revere. Mr. Tiny's broad smile seemed to spread as the watch glowed brighter and brighter, until it's light seemed to fill the whole cavern and the watch itself was a small ball of concentrated, red light. Kurda had to squeeze his eyes shut, and a cackling started in his head, accompanied by a ticking that thundered like the steady beating of a huge ceremonial drum…

And then it all disappeared suddenly with the sound of a guitar starting up. And then a clap. Kurda opened his eyes, and saw that the light from the heart-shaped watch hadn't disappeared, only been replaced as he looked up and saw the watch dangling from the ceiling by it's chain, glowing as bright as a small, red sun. And when Kurda trained eyes on Mr. Tiny, he saw him standing before the vampire, a smile on his face, swaying slightly, with three Little People behind him dancing in time to the music in a slow, enchanting way, their hoods down, revealing the ugly, stitched-together faces. And then Desmond Tiny did the last thing Kurda would have expected from him – he opened his mouth and _sang! _In a voice so amazingly, impossibly, irresistibly sweet you just _knew_ it had to come from Mr. Tiny, and his song went like this:

"_I don't want another pretty face, _

_I don't want just anyone to hold,_

_I don't my love to go to waste, _

_I want you and your beautiful soul!_

Kurda thought he recognized the song – written by some guy who was sort of a charmer with teenage girls.

"_I know that you_

_Are someone special _

_To you, I'd be _

_Always faithful  
I want to be _

_What you always needed_

_Then I hope you'll see _

_The heart in me." _

Mr. Tiny strolled closer to Kurda, not exactly walking but not exactly dancing, and took him by the arm as he sang. The Little People kept up their dancing, and on the next chorus they joined in with Mr. Tiny, their horrifyingly genderless voices blending perfectly with their masters. It was truly the band from hell. At the beginning of the second chorus Mr. Tiny swung Kurda around, one hand holding his and the other resting firmly on his shoulder, guiding the vampire, and began a slow waltz with him. With anyone else, even another man, Kurda would have found it romantic, but with Mr. Tiny it was nothing more than a sick joke.

"_I don't want another pretty face, _

_I don't want just anyone to hold,_

_I don't my love to go to waste, _

_I want you and your beautiful soul!_

_You're the one I want to chase_

_You're the one I want to hold _

_I won't let another minute go to waste_

_I want you and your beautiful soul! _

_You're beautiful soul…yeah…"_

Mr. Tiny let go of Kurda and stepped back before beginning the next verse.

"_You might need time_

_To think it over_

_But I'm just fine_

_Moving forward_

_I'll ease your mind_

_If you give me the chance_

_I'll never make you cry, _

_Come on let's try." _

Mr. Tiny then stepped up beside the Little People and joined them in the dance, matching their moves exactly, and again the Little People joined in as Mr. Tiny led them in the next chorus.

"_I don't want another pretty face, _

_I don't want just anyone to hold,_

_I don't my love to go to waste, _

_I want you and your beautiful soul!_

_You're the one I want to chase_

_You're the one I want to hold _

_I won't let another minute go to waste_

_I want you and your beautiful sooooooooo-oooooooo-uuuuuuuuuullll!" _

Mr. Tiny howled the word 'soul', making it sound like a long mournful cry of millions of loved ones lost. At the same time there was a blind red flash, and when Kurda found he could see again he was in a vast wasteland. The sky was blood red, and huge, scaly, glittering dragons flew across the sky, shrieking as they occasionally blew red-and-yellow flame from their mouths. Shadowy figures of men, their weapons gleaming clearly, were rapidly closing in from Kurda. But above all sounds the music continued, and Kurda could catch glimpse of Mr. Tiny through the bodies of the shadow men, glowing watch in hand, his voice booming across the wasteland, singing the song of the demented.

"_Am I crazy for wanting you_

_Baby do you think you can want me to_

_I don't wanna waste you time!" _

The shadow men took swipes at him with scythes, spears, axes – but Kurda managed to dodge them all with practiced speed. He wasn't a vampire for nothing. Some of the dragons were swooping closer, breathing their flames nearer and nearer to where Kurda was. He looked up then, and saw Mr. Tiny sitting on the back of a dragon, shrouded in shadow himself, his eyes burning flames in the middle of his head, and Kurda could see a glowing red spot on shadow-Tiny's chest where his heart would normally be, showing prominently against the shadow of his body. The dragon came dangerously closer, and Mr. Tiny's voice continued to ring out across the wasteland.

"_Do you see things the way I do_

_I just wanna know that you feel it to_

_There is nothing left to hide!" _

Upon the last word, the dragon opened its mouth and flames poured out of it. Kurda open his mouth in a scream, but the very instant the flames devoured him there was a whooshing sensation and suddenly he was back in Mr. Tiny's cavern, and Mr. Tiny himself was still dancing with the Little People, looking perfectly normal (for him anyway), and singing somewhat more softly now.

"_I don't want another pretty face,_

_I don't want just anyone to hold,_

_I don't my love to go to waste, _

_I want you and your beautiful soul!_

_You're the one I want to chase_

_You're the one I want to hold _

_I won't let another minute go to waste_

_I want you and your beautiful soul!_

"_I don't want another pretty face, _

_I don't want just anyone to hold,_

_I don't my love to go to waste, _

_I want you and your beautiful soul!_

_Beautiful soul, yea-eaaah…_

"_Ooohh, yeah…_

_Beautiful soul…"_

The music came to soft finish. Mr. Tiny and the Little People bowed, even though no one was applauding.

"Thank you, fellows, you can go now." Mr. Tiny dismissed them with a wave of his hand and the Little People replaced their hoods then filed solemnly out of the cavern.

"All right," Mr. Tiny turned back to Kurda. "So do we have a deal?"

Kurda thought about what he had just experienced, and nodded reluctantly. "Yes. I'll do it."

Kurda removed the robe and handed it to Mr. Tiny, then took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and placed his beautiful, naked body into the pool of green liquid.

END

**Author's Note continued**: So what did ya'll think? Remember, I want to here from you! Oh, and the story of Luxor will be completed soon! Although I don't think anyone really cares anymore.


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